Friday, April 10, 2015

Going That way... Nope This way... That way... Oh Look... is That Another Road?

The Bike finally sold a few days ago__and let it be said; I am completely and totally ambivalent about this choice__I haven't a clue whether I'm comin' or goin'...

Somehow I knew it was time for "Things" to change. The whispering in my head was a genuine pita.

Only problem is__ I hadn't really a clue what exactly that "change" looked like. Still don't! I mean all sorts of things have been tumbling in my head. Tumbling so much that they were confused and fleeting in a murky haze.

Finally, more out of frustration than anything else I just reached out and set a grip on one of the visions when it momentarily appeared in the fog... Pretty much I had to do Something, even if it was wrong, just to break the inertia and get some movement.

I've read that; "The mind is like water, when it's agitated it's hard to see... but when it is calm it becomes clear and you can see easily"

Yeah... I get that for sure and for certain. The "water" inside of my head is most often like the inside of a blender clicked on High.

Been so long since I could see clear that I'd probably mistake it for somebody Else's dream and pass on by if it ever did happen.

I'm letting things just settle for a while... and see what comes. Too often I think maybe I've tried to force things that shouldn't be forced and ended up with square pegs wedged tight into round holes.

Turned an unplanned direction a few days after the Raider left__ and stumbled across a guy...

His name is Arlo. He's a 9 week old Australian Shepherd pup from the ISDR registry. That's where they were carried before the AKC got ahold of the breed and begun to mucking it up like it's done to so many others...

The ISDR is where the Real Aussies are found.

Well... when this guy looked at me and that lil' voice deep inside looked into those eyes it whispered; don't be a jackass. do.not.leave.this.guy.behind.

So he's sharing camp with me these days. Softens the loneliness that a solo camp becomes.

Maybe this guy will herd me back into the sunlight that seems to have faded.

We shall hope and see__ and find out where exactly the future road runs.

Brian

Friday, March 6, 2015

I know... It's Been Months...

It's been a difficult fall and winter. I've been in a "place" in my head that's not what you'd call a good place and not real inspiring to write about...

I came to a place where there was a gnawing inside that I couldn't ignore any longer. I've felt it for a few years, slowly growing... but honestly... didn't truly recognize the source.

It starts and ends with me.

I'm a gypsy in more ways than one. Much interests me... but there's a problem there. Spread yourself in too many directions, and nada gets done. You run in circles with nothing being accomplished.

Well... spinning those circles I came to realize there were... are... parts of me I just can't leave behind. But also in this world, there's only so much of each of us to go around... and it's "THAT"... that I've been stewing over for months.

Which part of me at this late place in life do I focus on? Which part of me is the greater part? I have to cull out the lesser bits to focus on the greater... or lose it all...

Now... I'm a rider right? But what kind? Motorcycle? or Horse?

I've rode both the greater part of my life (Made my living horseback)... but the past six years... there've been no horses. It was THAT absence... that has been gnawing at my innards. Turns out to have been a wrong trail I turned down.

Motorcycles get inside you... Horses... even deeper. It rapidly goes back to that "If I have to explain it to you - You won't understand" bit of wisdom.

There's not enough of me to go around... so I have to choose. Where does my greatest passion lay?

... I have discovered... that it lays with Horses and so Back to Horse... is where I'm going.

To that end, I put my Raider up for sale way back in December... when I got back into Arizona for the winter... I was hoping that like, ripping a bandage off FAST to get the pain over with quick... it would sell fast.

It didn't... it Hasn't. and this turmoil in my head gets drug out week after week... month after month.

I've run ads online since before christmas. I'd not be so perplexed if people looked at the bike and decided against it... but I've had zero calls. That's as in... None. Not one... ugh! Not a soul has looked at the scooter... makes it real difficult to sell it.

That was an eventuality I'd not expected.

I can't mark it off to I've got her priced too high. It's been the lowest for that bike on craigslist by near $2000.

Guys say well keep it... and do both... To which I say; Re-read the parts above where I talk about "Only so much of me to go around." ... I can't spread my loyalties around like that I've discovered... It runs 'em too thin to give proper attention to either.

...or at this point... my finances... and I need the cash she represents to go the way I've chosen...

And deep inside me... I NEED to get back to Horse...

... and this lil' bit of purgatory drags on.

Brian

P.S. If you should know anybody interested in an '08 Yamaha Raider with 38,000 on the clock and a few extras for $6000... send 'em my way...