"If you always do what you always did
You'll always get what you always got"
Someone once asked me; "Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?"
"Why do you assume I see two roads?"
As the sun set on another day... a lot of those old sayings rattled through my head in an unending kaleidoscope...
This day saw the transmission in the truck cratering... or mostly so. 5th gear blew out...
Parked out in the high desert is not a place to repair broken transmissions, and for a lot of reasons, I can't just take the old rig to a shop and leave the house here... So, tomorrow morning, I'll hitch up and with fingers crossed, I'll do my best to limp the 60 miles or so to lower altitude (with a failing tranny) and closer proximity to the repair shops and services.
Remember the old cartoons... where the guy is running on a treadmill or train track or some such... and some drooling, firebelching "Thing" is chasing him? It's right on his tail. He can feel it's breath on his neck...but he just keeps running straight ahead?
And you holler at the screen; "Jump OFF! Jump OFF!" but he can't, because he's not got the time or space to take even the slightest step to the side. Though he'd like to he can't just step aside and let the beast just rush on by, even if he DID have the time to THINK of another way?
That's just exactly the world I feel like I've lived most of my life in. There never seems to be a period of time long enough to catch my breath and work things out in my head (let alone the economic side of life). I just keep running against the wind, doing things I don't necessarily want to do... because I can't corral enough "Time" (spelled; time and cash)... to work out a better way.
That is I'd bet... the toughest hole to climb out of... for people that feel like they're in a hole; Finding even the peace and serenity... in big enough pieces... to allow themselves to think straight.
... and even when they do... if they do... when they come back from that "Place" it's like the world knows what they're up to, so it whacks 'em with ever greater coldness and rapidity... The spirit takes a beating.
Even the times I've stacked up enough cash to "build that window of time"... one missed step and it all went cascading down the drain like sand through your fingers... arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh.
It becomes pretty much the paradox of having to harden your heart to give yourself the time to open it up. The trouble with that being; Once a Heart is Armored... Softening it again is a double tough chore.
There's only one thing a fella can do; Cowboy Up. Put one foot in front of the other and keep on keepin' on... until he can find that faint little trail that leads to sunny slopes. (how's that for stringin' a half dozen cliche'd phrases into one idea?)
Like watching the sunset that started off this post... you know there will always be another sunrise. You just have to somehow, find the material to maintain hope... for me... keeping it in the wind nurtures that hope.